What do you do? What are you? Who are you?
Last night I met an Australian living in Helsinki. She said ‘are you a scientist?’ I said ‘I don’t know what I am’ She said ‘sounds like me’.
Oh what sweet relief! To meet a person without a path. I don’t know if we are rare, or if people are pretending a lot of the time when they answer that question with confidence, perhaps a little bravado: 'I am a [insert well-defined thing]!’. And then with pride ‘I do [insert well-defined tasks]’. If this sounds a little bitter or cynical, it is only because I am to some degree, just jealous.
Even when working in Australia, I really didn’t like answering this question. My job title was weird, my main tasks were all over the shop, my industry was confusing, unwieldy and falling to disrepute. I would have preferred to say: 'I am competent and satisfied at my job: challenged enough to stay interested, surrounded by people smart enough to keep me learning, in a cool enough team to feel invigorated, and personally motivated to do better at it.’
I’d be happy doing any kind of work with that mix. I was happy working for a publisher with that mix. I was happy working with plant specimens in herbariums with that mix. I was happy working as a waitress with that mix. None of which is particularly helpful when you’re standing at the unemployment office, filling in a form for I’m-not-entirely-sure-what-purpose, staring at the little space provided to answer ‘what is your profession?’ (just give me anything!), ‘what job are you looking for - be specific?’ (one where I only have to say in Finnish: yes, no, one minute, sorry, very sorry, I can’t help you).
So I asked the Australian last night what it was like getting a job here. She leaned in and said ‘it’s HELL’.
Unlike my friends, family and myself, she’d just met me, she was not compelled to optimism about me ‘being fine’, ‘surely they will need English speakers’, ‘you can study for free’, etc. She outlined the reasons that it’s hard to get even a basic job without speaking Finnish, about the limited university courses that are offered in English, the need for qualifications.
It made me feel: so. much. better. I’ve been feeling like finding my purpose (work, study, volunteering, other) would be hard. I’ve been seeing signs that I’m in it for the long haul, but I was stuck with optimistic messages in my head, feeling like I should've been finding it easy … but not finding it easy, and wondering if I was a bit of a failure.
There are times when positive and optimistic works a charm for me. The other day I met another Gondwanan (a kiwi) who did say ‘I think you’ll be fine’ and it did feel good, because her job is to help spouses of people who have moved to Helsinki for work. It felt real. It felt evidence-based. It didn’t promise ease.
I think there are people out there who need optimism, they need a cheer and a dose of sanguine reinforcement. There are people like me that like a dose of negativity or positivity as long as it’s based on something, even if that something is as scientifically insignificant as your Aunt’s cousin’s experience in the 80s. And there are the Eeyores that just want permission for a little woe-is-me. We’re all different. We all need a little help. But a little help can come in many forms. And next time I talk to you and I don’t seem bouyed by your cheer, just tell me a story about your friend, Gladys, who’s dog was having trouble finding work, but he was rounding up a sheep one day and got chatting to the chickens and it just so happened ...
