Tides, they turn
In my last post, I was all, like ‘blurgh, it’s really hard not to watch TV and bureaucracy gets me down’. But today, I’m all, like ‘I’m killing this!’
My week really turned around. I re-started my application to the unemployment office, I got out of the house and went to the playground to meet H (from the ice hockey post) and her Little H (her daughter). That gave me an injection of optimism and energy. And then I kept that up with returning to an English-speaking knitting group and had a meeting with the tea ladies I am doing a little English writing for. Nick and I went for a sunny-evening picnic, and I started a new little pastel drawing. These activities do not take as many hours in the week as a job, and I do still have quite a bit of time for TV, but at least they give me a sense of direction and purpose.
And I guess these are the costs and benefits of this particular life change of ours. On the really dismal Tuesday, I can rationally understand that there are better things to come, but it’s a different thing to emotionally believe that I'm going to hit my stride. I mean, what if this time I just get stuck in that rut? On the upside, the benefits are often totally unexpected, and that means they are beyond delightful. The good moments often remind me of what Abraham Maslow described as peak experience: rare, exciting, oceanic, deeply moving, exhilarating, elevating experiences that generate an advanced form of perceiving reality, and are even mystic and magical in their effect. To me, they are the moments when the whirl and roar of those strings of internal thought patterns - lists, expectations, goals, errands, concerns - melt away; your mind becomes quiet, and you are overwhelmingly, purely content.
Next Tuesday I might feel differently, but for today, moving to Helsinki has been worth it for those moments.
